Monday, July 18, 2005

Dell Hell Part II: The Dell Dance

July 18, 2005

An Open Letter to Michael Dell

Dear Michael,

You don’t know me and in fact, may never read this letter. This is a follow-up to the article I submitted over the weekend to several blogsites as well as Dell Customer Care. Please pardon my sarcasm, cynicism, anger, and disgust. I seem to recall that I am actually a nice guy.

I know your time is valuable so I will not repeat the details leading up to today. You can read the attached article I wrote regarding this ongoing tragedy. Unlike your Customer Care and Tech Support personnel who always have me repeat this story. I would assume that their behavior indicates your computer networks do not file these cases in such a way that a service employee can access the information and save the customer some needless frustration.

But I digress. Today I made another mistake. Still angry over waiting around last Friday evening for your Advanced Resolution Specialist (or whatever you call these folks) based on a Dell Tech I spoke with the night before only to never be called, I, fool that I am phoned Dell yet again today.

I informed the Dell employee (after waiting about 15 minutes listening to that real peppy Dell music) about this situation, (she had to know the story she said. so she could help me and apologize). I requested this ARS person or higher being and she agreed to connect me to him or her but I would have to wait. I waited another 10 minutes to be connected to Tech Support who informed I was routed to the wrong place and would need to be rerouted to, yes, Customer Care.

Finally, I was connected with a person whom I thought possessed these angelic Dell powers to help. She did what I now call, the Dell Dance, complete in 3 steps.

Listen to the Consumer
Apologize to the Consumer
Forward customer to another Department
(don''t solve the problem)

She wanted to, yes, route me back to Tech Support, a group of Dell Shamans, who cannot fix Axims. I refused her offer and in more vivid detail described my never-ending saga of 2 Defective Dell Axims. She apologized repeatedly and repeatedly wanted to send me back to Tech Support. She became a bit angry when I insisted that she have Dell pick these wretched systems up and refund my original purchase price.

Apparently, even when Dell has manufactured defective units, and had numerous employees do the Dell Dance to me, the idea of complete refunds is a cardinal NO-NO. She would do it for a 30% “restocking fee.” Michael, you should be ashamed. You would take these pieces of junk and restock them so you could actually resell them?

Michael, tell me it’s not true!

Michael, it is bad enough that my first Axim was defective. It certainly was terrible that the second one was. Some of your folks somehow thought offering me a third one would resolve this problem. I don’t think so. Nor do I think offering me a $50.00 coupon will solve this problem either as some of your folks tried. You see Michael, I won’t purchase from Dell again. Ever. I can promise you it will not happen.

So how can a $50.00 coupon help? Will the Axims get healed if I wave the coupon over them? Does Dell sell special transport packages ($49.99, and this week, free shipping!) that I can use to flush these PDA’s down the toilet?

A few minutes ago, another Indian gentleman, a Dell Case Manager, stating he was the “End of the Line,” called me, to first have me explain what the problem is so he:

And tried to forward me to Tech Support

Well Michael, that’s where it stands, I am just one more person of that growing chorus of former Dell customers who really miss the Dell of years ago when customers got treated promptly and with courtesy. When customers didn’t get runarounds, lied to, or bribed.

Those were the good ole days Michael when you were on your way to making your first billion. But something happened between one billion dollars and where you are today. Dell became a company of inferior and defective products, substandard outsourced Customer and Technical Support, and last but not least, 30% restocking fees so Dell can continue punishing the people who got Michael Dell where he is today.

Michael, if you’re reading, if you care enough about your company to prove what I am saying about Dell is wrong then email me ( I’m sure after a few beers you will see the wisdom in departing with 2 crappy Axims and leaving me with the six hundred and something dollar refund.

Just don't try the Dell Dance on me.